All of us have had to make some sort of mental shift during this pandemic. I have found a mental shift is especially difficult when we are used to experiencing life cycles in person and when we have already envisioned these moments within a large gathering of those we love.
This year, 5781 is the year our daughter Aria becomes Bat Mitzvah. Our vision was to invite all of you to celebrate with us in person on Saturday, May 1, 2021. We even had our Friday night pre-Shabbat wine and cheese planned! Aria is a child of our congregation, she started in the baby room in our preschool. Some of her best friends are those that she met downstairs at KI in our preschool. They are also having their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs this year. Before I can begin to start planning what Aria’s Bat Mitzvah celebration will look like now, I must mourn the loss of what we envisioned and what we dreamed. I must also mourn the loss of how I envisioned standing next to those children of the congregation I have known since birth. I am a seventh grade parent this year trying not to think about the countless services, experiences and celebrations our daughter and these students will miss.
This is just one of many examples of the stories of our congregation. There are so many life cycle events where just one hug would make the difference. There are life cycle events where the one person we wanted there has to get on a plane and may not feel safe at the moment. There are life cycle events that have been cancelled, rescheduled, cancelled to end up on Zoom anyway.
How to deal with this loss surrounding life cycles can be momentous. Thankfully, with mask wearing and increasing numbers around large group gatherings, we are able to be together in person in some way. This helps, this is hopeful, and this makes a difference. At the beginning of the pandemic, I only officiated at life cycles over zoom, then I shifted to small gatherings outdoors of just the immediate family, to larger outdoor gatherings, and now I officiate at both indoor funerals and indoor KI Bar/Bat mitzvahs up to 25 people.
How these events look are quite different. No matter what, my services begin with the largest air hug for the family anyone could ever get! For Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, I am on the upper bimah, and the student is on the lower bimah with their family. The student doesn’t wear a mask, but everyone else does. The family that usually attends is the closest family circle- grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Most in-person events have a zoom or streamed component that will include those who aren’t in-person.
This week’s Torah portion begins with the word “B’reisheet”- which can be translated “Starting in the head.” Shifting mental space is the most challenging. It is easier to change our schedules, to change a date, to change a venue, to change how we get groceries, to change how we communicate on a daily basis. Changing our beliefs around an idea planted deeply inside of us is challenging.
Light was created out of darkness. For us to shift mental space, we may have to feel that darkness. Light only will come out of creating from the “rosh’- from our heads. After God creates light, the spirit of God comes over the face of the Earth. Love and memory aren’t always in person. Love and memory comes to us like sweeping spirit of God.
While I may not be able to take away the aching pain of not being together as a community and being with those we love, I can say- I walk with you. I will be there for you with my air hugs, with my voice, with my energy, and with my love. Whatever life cycle we go through, prayers will be felt like the spirit of God, and it will all be “good.”
Comments(10)
David F. Tilman says:
October 15, 2020 at 11:11 pmMoving and heartfelt Dvar Torah. We so look forward to celebrating Aria’s Bat Mitzvah with you!
Shabbat Shalom.
Karen Sirota says:
October 15, 2020 at 11:12 pmDespite the many restrictions during this COVID crisis, I have been privileged to virtually attend several milestone moments via Zoom. The initial disappointment during the planning is often ameliorated by the tremendous joy that literally courses through the online connections during those different, not-what-we-expected celebrations. Surely it all wasn’t as it was meant to be, but each time we actually celebrated the very essence of why we were all gathering, and there was joy and gratitude and love – all memorable moments that will remain forever.
Thank you, Cantor Amy, for as always, sharing your thoughtful and sensitive reflections. Your love of our congregation is still felt despite the distance. You are a blessing on our community!
Richard Abt says:
October 15, 2020 at 11:13 pmBeautiful. My tears are flowing.
Beth Abrams says:
October 15, 2020 at 11:57 pmMazel Tov in advance
How sad for you And Too Many Families that can’t share their Happiness and joy in person, except for 25 people
Your Words Were Just Beautiful
Lise Schwartz says:
October 16, 2020 at 1:22 amSharing about your personal loss is meaningful; there isn’t a soul who hasn’t given something up during this time; I’m grateful I haven’t lost more than I have!
Debbie Thomas says:
October 16, 2020 at 1:46 amDearest Cantor Amy,
Your words give me courage and strength to carry on during these difficult times. Hearing your voice is like an angel spreading her love over everyone and reminds me that there is good even now. You give me hope when I feel lost. Thank you for just being you!🥰🥰🥰
Phyllis Salinger says:
October 16, 2020 at 11:56 amBeautifully said Amy, and comforting. It really hit home since
our daughter Nina is delivering a baby girl in Cincinnati in a few days
Phyllis Salinger
Doris Schor says:
October 16, 2020 at 2:11 pmThank u so much for your warm comments this morning. You always bring a good feeling to me when I encounter you whether in person or text. Our best wishes to you & your family on Aria ‘s bat mitzvah. I still remember a beautiful young lady walking on Huntingdon Pike. It seems like yesterday. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. We love you.
shanlee pollack says:
October 18, 2020 at 8:23 pmI am sorry that we are involved in this experience. I hope it changes to our old ways. Shanlee
shanlee pollack says:
October 18, 2020 at 8:24 pmI am sorry that we are involved in this experience. I hope it changes to our old ways. Shanlee
As yet, there is no answer; let’s hope someone comes up with the solution for a vaccinatio.